Nintendo President Satoru Iwata held a press conference earlier today to address the media and their constant criticisms regarding the recent financial troubles of Nintendo. What could have been a positive dialogue quickly turned sour as a disheveled and tired looking Iwata refused to answer questions with anything more than school ground insults and odd puns.
When the CEO was questioned about the Wii U's outlook now that several big name games are coming and if it could help turn around the console, he responded simply with "I know you are but what am I?" and stuck his thumb up to his nose at the reporter. Several remarks about the appearance of reporter's faces the sexuality of their mothers were thrown around by Iwata, who refused to apologize when the insults started to get to reporters. Several writers for high-profile outlets ended the day in tears running out of the conference room.
"I do not smell like Bantha fodder!" one blubbering Kotaku writer who was a the conference told us, "He looked me right in the eye and told me to 'suck dees Wii U's.' What does that even mean?!"
In the hallway of the conference center where the odd display was held, several journalists were holding each other and sobbing quietly. "You're not the wee wee head. You know what? HE's the wee wee head," we overheard one Destructoid blogger telling his weeping co-worker. "You don't even have own a kite, he has no right to tell you fly one. He has no god damn right!"
The team from the popular blog and video site ScrewAttack.com endured the majority of Iwata's relentless attack, being called everything from "buttheads" to "gaylords" with every insult ending in loud cackling from Nintendo's president. "Do you own a PS4?" Iwata asked ScrewAttack news director Sean Hinz. But before he could completely answer, Iwata leaned over his podium and yelled "THEN WHY DON'T YOU MARRY IT?"
Hinz has declined to come out of the locked bathroom he is currently in to comment on the incident.
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