Xbox One's Mandatory $13,000 Time Machine Peripheral Eliminates The Need For Backwards Compatibility

All Xbox Ones will come packaged with a mandatory time machine peripheral, Microsoft announced with a blog post Thursday. A longtime dream of theoretical physicists and science fiction fans alike that could be used to change the course of history and save billions of lives, the technology behind the time machine has been patented by Microsoft and will be used to transport gamers back to 2001 to experience the original Xbox and Halo as they were originally intended.

Microsoft Announces Halo Arena, A Super Smash Bros-Inspired Game Featuring All Of Xbox's Iconic Characters

Microsoft announced Monday that a new fighting game in the style of Super Smash Bros featuring all of Xbox’s iconic characters is in the works. The game, Halo Arena, is expected to release sometime in late 2014 to coincide with the forthcoming Halo: Master Chief Collection, Master Chief brand Chex cereal, special edition Master Chief Xbox One, Master Chief flavored ribbed for her pleasure condoms, Master Chief footie pajamas, Master Chief Jeopardy Edition, and the Master Chief all inclusive resort and spa.

Royalty Free Music And Totally Awesome Microphone Sounds To Replace Bungie's Award Winning Composer Martin O'Donnell

Three Bungie executives and some nerd accepting some sound award thing

Long time Bungie employee and worldwide respected composer Marty O’Donnell was released earlier today from the company he’s been with since 1996. At the time of the firing, O’Donnell was one of the last remaining Bungie employees from before their 2000 acquisition by Microsoft and, after decades of creating award-winning scores for Bungie games such as Oni, Marathon and of course Halo, it was revealed via an official blog post that Mr. O’Donnell was released to allow Bungie to take it’s sound design in a different direction with their upcoming game Destiny.