PAX Prime's "Free Shower" Booth Deemed A Failure By Event Organizers

PAX Prime’s free shower booth has been declared a failure and a general waste of money, convention organizers confirmed to sources Sunday. This was the latest in a series of attempts by the yearly convention to give their attendees a free shot a nice hot shower and some soap before wandering the halls spreading their wall of funk and vomit-inducing smells.

Kickstarter Simulator Tycoon Lets You Become The Con Artist You Always Dreamed Of

Indie developer team Grappledoodler Games has announced a new Kickstarter campaign to fund their upcoming game Kickstarter Simulator Tycoon. The empire building and criminal mastermind simulator will give players the ability to finally be the con artist they have always dreamed and will be completed once developers reach their modest funding goal of $950,000.

Elementary School Students Given Preview Of Doom Reboot With A Blood-filled Puppet Show

Third graders at Stephen F. Austin Elementary School in Richmond, Texas were lucky enough to take part an exclusive preview of Id Software’s upcoming reboot of the Doom franchise early Monday morning. In their behind-closed-doors preview, the students were treated to several of Doom’s new mechanics, story elements, and unimaginably horrific death sequences all played out by a professional troupe of puppeteers and countless buckets of pigs blood.

GameStop Exclusive: Pre-Order Alien: Isolation and Receive A Working Ben Kuchera Voodoo Doll

Continuing their tradition of holding crucial sections of video game hostage unless you pre-order with them, GameStop has announced their exclusive Alien: Isolation pre-order edition complete with fully functional Ben Kuchera Voodoo Doll. The special edition of the upcoming survival horror game comes with the actual game, a download code for the only gun available in the game, and the aforementioned Ben Kuchera Voodoo Doll, as well as matches, toothpicks and a small knife to use with the mystical stuffed doll.

Ubisoft Announces The "Fine, Do It Your Fucking Self" Video Game Creation Starter Kit

In the wake of recent controversies over the lack of female characters and slowing video game sales, Ubisoft announced that it is releasing a do-it-yourself game creation kit in the fourth quarter of 2014 tentatively titled “Fine, Do It Your Fucking Self”.

Reading Rainbow Getting A Gritty AAA Next Gen Reboot

Reading Rainbow will soon be made into a gritty AAA shooter for Xbox One and PS4 consoles, executive producer LeVar Burton announced in a Kickstarter video Monday. Having met its five million dollar stretch fundraising goal, the tentatively titled Read Or Die: Rainbows of Blood will feature dozens of weapons, enemies, possible endings, hundreds of hours of replayability, and some books.

Peter Moore: How Far Do You Think I Can Get This Golf Club Up Your Ass Before You Stop Complaining?

In an exclusive interview with The Escapist Wednesday, Electronic Arts CEO Peter Moore pondered just how far he’d have to shove a golf club up gamers asses before they stopped complaining and embraced the future of video games. Moore, the visionary behind other EA innovations such as abandoning the 3DS and PlayStation Vita in favor of mobile pay-to-win games and funding broken games through DLC, hopes that gamers will give up their constant whining about the multi-billion dollar company and embrace the true future of gaming in the form of having a 44” cast iron driver rammed up their ass.

Crytek Willing To Give Employees Paychecks If They Can Complete A Series Of Quick Time Events

Leaked documents have revealed that Crytek is willing to pay employees money they are owed if they simply complete a four-mile obstacle course filled with quick time events and other minor hazards. Following the leak, GameSpot had a chance to interview company behind the world-renown PC benchmark and sort-of-game Crysis and ask them about their seemingly unfair withholding of employee wages.

FIFA 14: World Cup Edition Brings Authentic Brazilian Experience To EA's Soccer Franchise

EA Sports has announced an update coming soon to FIFA 14 that will “bring more realism into the customer’s gaming experience than ever before.” In a press release issued Friday, the sports gaming giant stated, “It’s our goal to give players the most realistic graphics and situations possible, to truly feel the grass beneath their feet or the smell of tear gas in the air.”

Distraught Ubisoft CEO Yves Guillemot Runs Off Stage And Promptly Shuts Down Company After Twitter User Gives E3 Presentation A Low Grade

Following an uneventful trailer showing off their upcoming game Drive Club, Ubisoft’s CEO Yves Guillemot was seen running off stage and promptly shutting down the company he co-founded over twenty years ago after receiving news that Twitter user @assassasscreed69 gave the presentation a C- grade.

The Onion Finalizes $2.7 Million Buyout of IGN

Coming off another stellar article full of their world renowned fake news and comedy punches delivered with an expert level of deadpan, IGN announced they have been acquired by fellow satirical site The Onion. While a deal to purchase the prominent fake video game news site has been in the works for quite some time, once The Onion saw its recent article titled “The Last Guardian is Cancelled” they knew the buyout could not wait any longer.

Sexism Defeated As Yearly Quota For Strong Female Lead Characters In Video Games Is Met In Record Time

The video game industry has successfully released two titles featuring strong females leads in under six months in what is being called a banner year in the fight against sexism - a feat that many analysts thought could never happen. By meeting the quota so quickly this year, experts have come to consensus that gender equality has finally been achieved once and for all.

Prominent Blogger Already Has A 500 Worder Penned To Describe How Tired He Is After E3

Prominent video game blogger and frequent contributor to the popular technology site The Derge Doug Guzman has pre-written a 500-word post on just how darn tired he is after E3. While he normally waits until after conventions to endlessly whine in his articles about how worn out he is from walking for a day, Guzman claims that writing the post ahead of time will free up valuable space to complain on other mediums such as podcasts and in-person interviews.

Local Gamer Upset His Parents Did Not Take More Pictures Of Him Playing Video Games As A Toddler

Local gamer and loving son Brett Vargas is currently entangled in a major tiff with his parents over the lack of pictures of him as a toddler playing video games. Vargas claims the obvious neglect of his parents has lead to him losing out on multiple friendships, Call of Duty matches, and internet points.

GameStop's $150 Pre-Order Edition Of Wolfenstein: The New Order Comes With Annoying Sticker Already Removed

In an effort to get gamers continuing to pay for games before they even know what they look like, GameStop’s newest pre-order promotion for Wolfenstein: The New Order will give them the option of having the annoying price sticker removed at the time of purchase. The infamous stickers that have claimed the lives of countless otherwise flawless video game cases is something that GameStop says they would be happy to expertly remove if you would just pay in full for that $150 collector’s edition before you have a chance to see anything other than pre-rendered trailers.

Do you have as little as $0.05 a month and enjoy Texture Pop Gaming?

Why not smash these two qualities into a wonderful creation in the form of supporting us (well, me) on Patreon.

Texture Pop Gaming is and always will be free but if you’d like to support this mostly one-man operation with even the smallest amount of money per month, feel free to check out more details at the newly setup TPG Patreon page below

I plan to keep doing this forever or until someone breaks my fingers anyway, but with your support I hope to do it more frequently with higher quality and eventual high quality videos.

I’m purposefully keeping this post short and I can promise you I won’t ask ever again in a blog post, but if you like the content on Texture Pop Gaming at all and would like to see it (and it’s author) continue and strive to be greater, why not support it? And if you do, let me know via email, comments, carrier raven, whatever so I can give you a shoutout on every social media site known to man because you are awesome.

Thanks!
Texture Pop Gaming / Matt

http://www.patreon.com/texturepopgaming

PAX South, PAX North, PAX Northeast, PAX Central Iowa and PAX Mars Announced By Convention Organizers

Following another successful PAX conference, the organizers behind the event released a press statement announcing several new locations for the conference. Although it already has wildly successful locations with PAX Prime, PAX East and PAX Austrailia, the gaming convention has yet to host a location in Europe or the rest of the word. 

Facebook Purchases Deactivated Diablo III Auction House In Effort To Corner "Fans Of Stupid Fucking Ideas" Market

Facebook confirmed this morning that they have completed the acquisition of the recently deactivated Diablo III auction house from Blizzard Entertainment. With the purchase, Facebook claims to now have a foothold in the “fans of stupid fucking ideas” market, which they hope to use to leverage their social network in more places than ever. The purchase itself went down rather quickly with Facebook starting the offer straight at the ending price of $3.2 billion. Blizzard quickly scrambled to find a way to give it away so they would never have to acknowledge it again, something they have been trying to do ever since Diablo III released two years ago.

2K Sports Investigating Bug In NBA 2k14 That Causes Milwaukee Bucks To Win Games

The NBA game that was once hailed as the most accurate simulation on the market is currently under scrutiny for a game-breaking bug that causes the Milwaukee Bucks to win games. At the time of this publication, 2K Games still is not sure what’s causing the issue, but assures us they are working diligently to make sure no other player has to face the embarrassment of the Bucks beating them by double-digits. 

Wal-Mart Will Soon Let You Sell Their Stolen Games Back To Them

Tired of thieves stealing games on release day and selling them to GameStop hours later, Wal-Mart recently announced they will be implementing a trade-in service on March 26th. The announcement came just hours after a slew of copies of Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes began getting appearing in GameStop stores, most of them still with the Wal-Mart stickers still attached.