Sexism Defeated As Yearly Quota For Strong Female Lead Characters In Video Games Is Met In Record Time

The video game industry has successfully released two titles featuring strong females leads in under six months in what is being called a banner year in the fight against sexism - a feat that many analysts thought could never happen. By meeting the quota so quickly this year, experts have come to consensus that gender equality has finally been achieved once and for all.

Developers managed to surpass the 1.7 female lead characters per year minimum by releasing Child of Light in April of 2014 and Transistor in May. The last time the seemingly impossible task came even close to happening so soon was in 2010 when Bayonetta and Metroid Other M both managed to be released in the same year, but both not being in the market until August. 

Ubisoft, the company behind the brilliant Child of Light, claims they were not trying to necessarily make a hit game, just a fun little project that happened to get released. “We thought that by adding a female lead the game wouldn’t sell and it could just stay our fun little pet project,” Ubisoft Montreal lead designer Marc Walsh said in his interview with IGN, “When it actually started to sell we were floored. Did those poor people realize the lead character was female?”

After learning that their experiment was becoming a hit, the Canadian-based developers quickly pumped up their advertising to inform customers that the game they were buying forced them to play as a girl. “The last thing we wanted was for hefty male gamers to play Child of Light and not be able to relate to the main character because she has a vagina. We just wanted people to enjoy our game,” Walsh admitted, “If we had known this thing was actually going to sell we would have worked a lot harder on Aurora’s boob-jiggle physics instead of her stupid hair.”

The developers that brought the record-setting achievement home, Supergiant Games, knew they had a hit on their hands the second they began working on their last game Bastion several years ago. “From the moment we started Bastion we knew in our minds we would eventually release basically the same game with a female lead character and call it a day,” they said in a blog post responding to the news of their pioneer game defeating the stigma that video games are in any way sexist.

“I just can’t wait to see Jessica Ngiri cosplay a mostly-naked Red from Transistor,” NeoGAF forum member BigBoobBooks69 said in a post discussing the implications of sexism potentially being defeated and the rise of gender equality in video games as a result, “Christ her tits are huge. I’d drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to hear her fart into a walkie talkie am I right? LOL!”

News of the quota already being met for the year has sent waves through the video game industry. Nintendo for one planned on releasing the near-completed and reportedly flawless next entry in the Metroid Prime series but has made the decision to delay the game until 2015 in order to “avoid making any social commentary on the issue.” While Namco’s Project Soul division, on the other hand, hasn’t removed Ivy from the upcoming Soul Calibur VI, they have made some minor changes including quadrupling her breast size and providing one costume option that removes the iconic fighter’s clothing entirely. “It’s our little way of showing how on board we are with gender equality,” Project Soul’s lead designer told us, “If Yun-Seong can be half naked, then so can Ivy damnit!”

Taking time out of their hectic work schedules at Panera Bread, several Female Studies majors are praising the record. As gender equality expert and head cashier Johnette Craft told us, “I’m surprised it took so long for it to finally happen, but I’m just so happy it finally did. Would you like extra bread with your broccoli cheddar soup?”