Distraught Ubisoft CEO Yves Guillemot Runs Off Stage And Promptly Shuts Down Company After Twitter User Gives E3 Presentation A Low Grade

Following an uneventful trailer showing off their upcoming game Drive Club, Ubisoft’s CEO Yves Guillemot was seen running off stage and promptly shutting down the company he co-founded over twenty years ago after receiving news that Twitter user @assassasscreed69 gave the presentation a C- grade.

Bioware's Daring Teaser For Dragon Age: Inquisition Involving Real Dragons Backfires Horribly Leaving Seventy Dead And Millions Still Unaware Of Key Features

During their highly anticipated E3 trailer for Dragon Age: Inquisition, Bioware’s decision to unleash living breathing dragons tragically backfired resulting in 73 fans dead and millions still unaware of key features of the upcoming RPG. The loud and terrifying trailer was quickly drowned out by the sounds of four ancient dragons flapping their massive wings and raining hellfire down on media and Bioware fans in the crowds, incinerating everything in their path.

Apple Innovatively Announces They Will Not Be Attending E3 2014

In a revolutionary, inspirational and awesome move, Apple has officially announced via blog post that they will not be attending this years Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) in Los Angeles. The post, which was made available only to those using Safari on an Apple-made device, detailed how Apple plans to not attend the convention in a unique way that will turn heads and revolutionize the way companies avoid attending conventions that don’t really apply to them anyway.

OUYA Books Prestigious Los Angeles Convention Center Parking Lot For E3 Keynote

OUYA has announced that they have successfully booked the prestigious Los Angeles Convention Center parking lot to hold their highly anticipated E3 keynote presentation. While the rest of the major console manufacturers are giving their keynotes and demos inside the actual convention center, OUYA hopes that by giving gamers a unique experience outside of the venue it will help them be noticed again.

Everything You Need To Know About Changes Coming To The Xbox One

Continuing their 180 degree turn from the days of Don Mattrick going on stage and metaphorically shitting all over their brand, Microsoft has announced a series of changes to the Xbox One. The company’s departure from Mattrick’s dystopian vision of the future began last year when the Xbox One’s original requirement for the system to have a constant online connection was removed before the console was even released. In a blog post yesterday, Microsoft completed the shift and announced a few more changes to the next generation console hoping to gain some positive attention before this year’s E3.

Breakdown of PlayStation 4 Hardware Reveals Hidden Feature

This grainy footage from an unknown source shows the
alleged game disc being passed between two Sony employees

Internet sleuths the world over are slowly digging up details about a secret feature that Sony's flagship Netflix player, the PlayStation 4, contains. While nothing has been confirmed by Sony or any of their representatives, there is growing evidence that the PlayStation 4 can, in fact, play video games. The rumors started late last week when popular hardware hacker Benjamin Heckendorn (more commonly known online as BenHeck) did a video breakdown of the PlayStation 4 hardware.