Bioware's Daring Teaser For Dragon Age: Inquisition Involving Real Dragons Backfires Horribly Leaving Seventy Dead And Millions Still Unaware Of Key Features

During their highly anticipated E3 trailer for Dragon Age: Inquisition, Bioware’s decision to unleash living breathing dragons tragically backfired resulting in 73 fans dead and millions still unaware of key features of the upcoming RPG. The loud and terrifying trailer was quickly drowned out by the sounds of four ancient dragons flapping their massive wings and raining hellfire down on media and Bioware fans in the crowds, incinerating everything in their path.

“We had no idea what what was going on,” blood soaked Polygon writer Seth Bourgeois who barely avoided certain death by using the entirety of the present Kotaku writing staff as one large human shield told reporters, “but once we saw that Dragon Age logo those of us that still had limbs clapped and cheered. We knew it was Inquisition and it was a great feeling.” Bourgeois and several of his peers were able to tweet out just how good the game looked before the majority of them were torn limb from limb by the ancient beasts and he slipped away.

Shaken fans who barely avoided the bloodbath were left puzzled by the decision to release ancient killing machines onto the crowd as well as what the quests were going to be like. “I just want to know if the quests were going to be as annoying as Ozrammar was, or if they learned their lesson,” the now one-armed and severely burned long time fan of the series Ben Dobson told us, “That’s all me and my friends wanted to know when we came to this thing. I mean, they’re dead now so they’ll never find out but I’d still at least like to know. Do you think it’ll be playable on the show floor tomorrow?”

Blame for the incident was initially placed on Bioware developer Aaron Kramer who stood on-stage with an Xbox One controller as if he were playing the game. “At first we assumed he was controlling the dragons,” investigators told us, “but when we were told he was at E3 we knew he was just on-stage to look like he was controlling them, like everyone else does during this silly event.”

At press time, no charges have been filed as Bioware eventually took care of the issue themselves by ordering their Mass Effect promotional Reaper fleet to decimate the dragons from Earth’s orbit. When asked if they’d do it again one Bioware executive told reporters, “Yeah, sure I think we would. We got our point across that dragons are terrifying in the right hands. I’m not saying we don’t already have more waiting in hidden bunkers across the globe and we’ll release them if sales aren’t where we want them to be, I’m just saying you might want to purchase Dragon Age: Inquisition when it hits store shelves this October.”