Jury Still Out On Whether Or Not Building A Giant Tower Out Of $97M Worth Of PlayStation 4s Was A Good Move By Nintendo

Following reports of massive first quarter losses, video game journalists and bloggers worldwide are beginning to second guess Nintendo's decision to purchase $97 million worth of Sony PlayStation 4s and build a 4,041 foot tall tower out of them, sources confirmed Thursday. Currently the 242,500 PS4s are stacked neatly outside of Nintendo’s Tokyo headquarters, casting a shadow over the complex and reminding the entire team that the enemy is always lurking and they must never stop innovating.

Local Wii U Owner Still Waiting For Destiny Beta Code, Friends Don't Have The Heart To Tell Him The Truth

Thinking the Wii U’s beta of Destiny has just been “temporarily delayed”, twenty-six-year-old Lewis Green has been patiently waiting for his beta code to arrive in his email for weeks. The lifetime Nintendo fan swore that he saw the Wii U logo at the bottom of the trailer during E3 2013 and his small group of friends haven’t had the heart to tell him the truth since.

Mario Kart 8 Lobby Chat Options Will Soon Include Curated Twitch.tv Comments

As part of their initiative to further embrace competitive gaming using their licensed properties Nintendo has announced that Mario Kart 8 will be receiving expanded chat options in pre-race lobbies. Up to this point chats have been limited to family-friendly phrases such as “That was close!” and “Not fair!” to give players a quick opportunity to express their feelings of the last race and politely smack talk their opponents in a way that would not offend the eyes of any children playing the popular game. With this new update Nintendo claims you will be able to get across a multitude of new feelings such as the homosexual levels of your competitors as well as the implied whorish activities of their mothers.

Joe Biden Sues Lollipop Chainsaw Developers, Claims His Likeness Was Used Without Permission

Vice President Joe Biden has filed a lawsuit against Grasshopper Manufacture, the developers behind the 2012 hack-and-slash Lollipop Chainsaw, for allegedly using his likeness without permission. The suit filed in Los Angeles Superior Court claims that the developers used Biden’s likeness for their main character Juliet, copying almost exactly a style that the Vice President sported consistently in the late 90’s.

34,495 New Characters Announced For Smash Bros 3DS/Wii U, None Of Them Waluigi

A slew of new characters for the upcoming Smash Bros 3DS/Wii U were revealed during a live Nintendo Direct early Monday morning. The comprehensive list of 34,495 characters, internally named “Every Video Game Character That Matters,” contains popular mascots from Sony, Microsoft, SEGA, Capcom, Blizzard, and many others including Nintendo’s own that were not yet in Super Smash Bros, except Waluigi. 

Nintendo Defends Its Anti-Piracy Firing Squads, Has No Plans To Stop Executing YouTube Creators

Nintendo has no plans to shelve its controversial “Bullet Bills For Piracy” initiative, sources confirmed Wednesday. The anti-piracy policy that involves lining up potential thieves and YouTube streamers who show more than five minutes of consecutive gameplay footage then firing high-powered rifles until the life leaves their eyes is one Nintendo plans to keep going as long as “[they] keep stealing our games.”

Google Partnering With Nintendo To Bring Mario Kart Data To Self-Driving Cars

Google has announced that they will begin partnering with Nintendo to bring steering and telemetry data from Mario Kart into their self-driving cars. Revealed in a Google+ on Monday, the joint venture will see decades of data stored on Nintendo servers from Mario Kart games all the way back to the original game on the SNES combined with Google’s still-in-development self-driving cars.

Broken And Half-Assed Watch_Dogs Revealed To Be A Clever Advertisement For Upcoming Game Watch Dogs

Early yesterday, following a series of lukewam reviews to their recently released Watch_Dogs, Ubisoft Montreal revealed that this so called game was actually another clever advertising campaign for the actual game coming out later this year. This would be the latest in a series of augmented reality advertisements that included an intuitive Facebook app, pretending to hack several well known websites, and hanging a live man from Chicago until the life left his body.

Nintendo's Newest Virtual Reality Game Takes You To A Magical World Where The Wii U Isn't A Total Failure

Nintendo has announced a new virtual reality game that will take place in a magical land where the Wii U is not a complete and total failure. During a surprise Nintendo Direct, an Oculus Rift-sporting Satoru Iwata let gamers in on their newest venture named Wiitopia.

Study Shows Not A Single Nintendo Employee Has Ever Had A Niece or Nephew

In a comprehensive study by Cornell University, researchers have found that not a single employee at Nintendo currently has or has ever had a niece or nephew. They study, which took two years to complete and cost around $700k, was a joint venture by Cornell University and Nintendo themselves, with the Big N providing 90% of the funding. The full repercussions of the study’s findings have yet to be felt, but one thing is for sure - that greasy haired kid no one liked on the playground was clearly lying.

Seven Dead In NASCAR's First Annual Rainbow Road 500

Fans and NASCAR officials are still reeling from the disastrous race that resulted in seven deaths over the weekend. The Rainbow Road 500, a promotional crossover from Nintendo into the world of stock car racing, was intended to be an entertaining race for gamers and racing fans in which the NASCAR Nationwide Series drivers would utilize items similar to those in the popular Mario Kart games, as well as race on a near perfect replica of the infamous Rainbow Road track.

Repulsive Fanboy Owns Three Consoles And A PC; Is OK With Other People Not Liking The Same Consoles As Him

Calling his love of video games no matter the console “normal, I guess” and “not that big of a deal’ gamer and all-around scumbag Peter Dillon claims to own three consoles as well as a gaming PC and favors none of them above any other. What started as a gross personal habit quickly spread to a publicly known disease once his friends discovered his disgusting lifestyle.

Nintendo Responds To Claims That Luigi Is "Needlessly Sexualized" In Recent Super Smash Bros Screenshots

Once known as the dopey character that little brothers and sisters everywhere were forced to play when the older sibling chose Mario, Luigi has recently come under some fire for being over sexualized in the latest Super Smash Bros trailers. The backlash over the younger plumber’s “super sexy hat” and “ass lifting boots” has caused Nintendo to issue several statements about the issue, quickly denying the claims that Luigi is in any way sexualized for their newest game.

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Leaked Documents Show NSA Has Been Targeting Anyone Who Names Their Legend of Zelda Save File Anything But "Link"

Visual approximation of terrorist ring, per leaked documents.

A recently leaked set of NSA documents revealed that the government agency is targeting any gamer who has ever named their Legend of Zelda save file and character anything but Link. Calling the targets “potential terrorists” and “clearly deranged”, the details of the document are shocking.

Study Shows Prolonged Exposure To Wii U Gamepad Helps Fight Cancer

A Cornell University study recently found that prolonged exposure to Nintendo’s Wii U Gamepad can cure nearly all forms of cancer. Participants in the study who spent more than six hours a day using playing the Wii U were found to have their cancerous growths stopped or, in some cases, even reversed.

Ubisoft Reveals More Changes To Watch Dogs In Latest Trailer

Ubisoft finally showed off some new features and changes to their highly anticipated game Watch Dogs yesterday in the form of a new trailer. The four minute video showcased exciting never-before-seen additions to the open world game, as well as some slight alterations and removal of features we previously thought would be included. 

Loving Father of Three Loses Everything In Tragic Wii Fit U Addiction

Local accountant and family man Derek Newman is rumored to have disappeared last week following a tragic addiction to his favorite video game, Wii Fit U. From the first time the loving father of three turned on the popular Nintendo fitness game, the only thing on his mind was the rush of pretending to jump on a trampoline to get launched into space for points. Ignoring his work, wife, children and friends, Derek Newman quickly became consumed by the game. 

Hidden Textures Epsiode 1: Super Mario 3D World

Hidden Textures is the newest video series from Texture Pop Gaming in which we look at hidden items and secrets in video games that no one else has found. You can be guaranteed that if you're watching a Hidden Texture episode, no one has ever given you detailed instructions about how to get the thing you're about to see. 

In this first episode of Hidden Textures, we look at a secret item in the very first level of Super Mario 3D World. Supposedly, this item makes it possible to reach previously inaccessible locations and get new stars! 

Nintendo Denies Responsibility For Racist and Homophobic Tweets During Their "Cranky Kong Twitter Takeover" Last Thursday

What began as a fun back-and-forth between Nintendo character Cranky Kong and several fans on twitter quickly ended after a series of racist and homophobic slurs last week. The “Cranky Kong Twitter Takeover” as Nintendo called it, began last Thursday to promote the since released Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze to fans on the social network.