The first tidbit that Iwata revealed was the general setting of the game, which is a bright and colorful take on America. Wiitopia is meant to exactly replicate an alternate reality version of The United States that was renamed once the Wii U (or Wii 2 as it’s called in the game) took off. “We wanted everyone to have a realistic look at what the world would be if we didn’t completely fuck up the Wii U,” Iwata explained, “Just look at this wondrous land of bliss you could be experiencing if you’d just play some Mario or something.”
Along with the name being the Wii 2 which, as Iwata said, “any other sane company would have named it,” Nintendo’s eighth generation console featured several changes; the biggest being the release date of it. In the bright world of Wiitopia, Nintendo actually waited until more than another 2D Mario game was ready to go for launch and instead did so alongside their main competitors the Xbox One and PS4. By waiting an extra year the console ended up having one of the best launch lineups of all time featuring of The Wonderful 101, The Legend of Zelda Windwaker HD, Super Mario 3D World and Sonic Lost World. That record-breaking lineup combined with the fact the console was named Wii 2 instead of not something completely pointless and confusing led to the system taking America by storm and eventually collapsing the government into Nintendo-led Oligarchy.
Gameplay in Wiitopia is a “series of collecting coins or something I don’t know who cares look at the graphics on this Wii 2 billboard,” as explained by Iwata. During a brief demo of the game, the Nintendo CEO showed how the player would be able to access and play a Wii 2 to pretend they didn’t waste their money on the actual Wii U. “See how the Wii 2 has the ability to boot right into the game and not to that menu that takes an hour to navigate?” an enthralled Iwata said, “Now watch as I go to the store to purchase a Wii 2 for $70 less without being forced to buy a battery-sucking gamepad I’ll never use. Revolutionary.” Unfortunately for Iwata and the demo, internet in Wiitopia was still using 2004 technology and couldn’t connect to anything, but viewers were assured the issue would be resolved in a year or seven.
While there was no talk of an actual story or main antagonist, leaked screenshots showing up on NeoGAF forums showing Reggie Fils-Amech fighting a cowering Don Mattrick. This suggests the game may take place prior to E3 2013 and could end in the Big N defeating the two rival evil empires via Fills-Amech and allowing Nintendo to finally have third-party developer support for their console.
The game itself will be showed at E3 and demos a small section of the game showcasing what E3 itself would look like if Nintendo actually bothered to go and didn’t waste time with virtual reality propaganda games. “We just want everyone to have an accurate representation of E3 if Nintendo had enough money to attend and we didn’t have to do it in Mr. Iwata’s basement. Please get me out of here, I want to see the sun again, he hasn’t feed me in weeks, he’s trying to make me into an actual mech,” a distressed Reggie Fills-Aime said before the feed went black.
In a press release following the Direct, Nintendo addressed the issue that no homosexual couples were showed during their whole presentation. “They are doing fine in the camps we place them in during their time in Wiitopiaa,” Iwata wrote in the press release, “we do not wish to make any kind of social commentary and we feel that the best way to do this is to lock them away and pretend they don’t exist. This game is meant to fun and whimsical, not a realistic take on the world. If it was a realistic world simulation we have competently marketed our console? Of course not. Please, understand.”
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