Rare Embracing New Role As Microsoft Studios Janitorial Staff

Following a round of layoffs resulting from another flopped Kinect-enable game, the team at Rare are embracing their new role as kitchen and cleaning staff at Microsoft Studios headquarters in Redmond, Washington. The company that once created beloved games such as Donkey Kong 64, Banjo-Kazooie and Conker’s Bad Fur Day takes their new work of keeping Xbox executive’s dishes spotless very seriously.

“We do love creating games, but our time is better spent here right now,” Rare’s lead graphic designer and cup dryer Lauren Reid told us, “It isn’t fair that these Xbox employees should have to create imaginative devices such as the Kinect and wash their own dishes. We just want to do our part.” Reid also told us that, while creating the revolutionary genre-defining GoldenEye 007 for the N64 felt great, keeping dishes clean is just as rewarding. “This industry is not about rewards, it’s about making sure there are no food bits left on the plates.” 

A large majority of the Rare employees that did not receive their pink slip also appear to be in good spirits, with many of them claiming “anything is better than working on another fucking Kinect game” and a few even reminding us that they went to a four-year college and are just glad they are not blowing all that on a job in fast food. “The pride I feel cleaning shit off these toilet seats just about matches how it felt showing off Kinect Sports Rivals at E3 last year,” programmer and toilet scrubber Craig Krelie began to tell us us before an overflowing toilet in the lobby bathroom pulled him away from our interview.

This latest round of layoffs occurred when one Microsoft executive discovered that the employees at Rare were still being paid following their completion of Kinect Sports Rivals. The decision to move the team to the company’s headquarters was made shortly after as a money saving effort. “It was just too expensive to keep them over in England while they weren’t actually doing anything,” Microsoft CTO Nathan Myhrvold said in an interview with IGN, “If we simply moved them to Washington, reduced their pay in half and stopped supplying lunches we could save a good deal of money and keep a few of the employees around. Besides, they clean a mean toilet let me tell you.”

Rare is also rumored to be working on Kinect-enabled sequels to Banjo-Kazooie Nuts and Bolts, Perfect Dark, Viva Pinata, and Conker’s Bad Fur Day in between making sure cafeteria chairs are straight and free of dried gum.