Repulsive Fanboy Owns Three Consoles And A PC; Is OK With Other People Not Liking The Same Consoles As Him

Calling his love of video games no matter the console “normal, I guess” and “not that big of a deal’ gamer and all-around scumbag Peter Dillon claims to own three consoles as well as a gaming PC and favors none of them above any other. What started as a gross personal habit quickly spread to a publicly known disease once his friends discovered his disgusting lifestyle.
On the fateful day when Peter’s friends first asked him what console he wanted to play Battlefield 4 on they expected him to either join them on the the Xbox One or, as one of them put it, “he’d say he plays on that piece of shit PS4 and we’d no longer be friends,” but to everyone’s horror he responded by telling them he was down for “whatever” and would play on PC, Xbox One or PS4. “Who the hell does that?” one of Peter’s long time friends asked us, “What kind of a low life just owns three consoles and a PC like some kind of disgusting fanboy. Honestly it makes me sick.”

While the lifelong gamer defends owning three consoles as perfectly fine and says he’s just fortunate enough to be in a position to own multiple ways of gaming, his parents feel differently. “You just never realize you’ve raised a total fuck up of a son until it’s too late,” Peter’s father commented, “But then you find out they actually own all three consoles and don’t have loyalty to any of them and it turns your whole world upside down. I didn’t raise you like that, Pete. Pick a console and grow some balls, son.”

Mr. and Mrs. Dillon claimed to have raised their son on a healthy diet of Sony consoles hoping that he would never end up as one of those “Nintendo loving pansies,” even going so far as buying him a PSP Go to keep him away from Nintendo’s popular handhelds. But now that Peter owns a Wii U and is rumored to have a 3DS as well, his parents feel they have failed despite numerous counseling sessions where they have been assured it’s not their fault their son is a disgusting human being, it’s just the way things are.

According to several doctors that we contacted during our time investigating the story, we were told that Peter’s condition is not that unusual.

“In a functioning human brain a person has the ability to not be a bitch and pick one console to defend to the death no matter what other good games come out for the other consoles,” Cornell Psychology professor Jeffrey Dalton told us, “but in Peter’s stupid little head he think it’s perfectly normal to like more than one console. While not completely uncommon it is very dangerous behavior that should not be allowed to continue.” 

The senior professor went on to tell us that, while Peter seems normal now despite his inane desire to own several different consoles, it could eventually lead to much more debilitating diseases such as “video game collecting” and starting a YouTube channel reviewing old games from different consoles wearing while the same shirt in every video.