Friday, June 6, 2014

Apple Innovatively Announces They Will Not Be Attending E3 2014

In a revolutionary, inspirational and awesome move, Apple has officially announced via blog post that they will not be attending this years Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) in Los Angeles. The post, which was made available only to those using Safari on an Apple-made device, detailed how Apple plans to not attend the convention in a unique way that will turn heads and revolutionize the way companies avoid attending conventions that don’t really apply to them anyway.

According to several inside sources, the team at Apple generally feels like the convention does not fit their business model and would therefore not be worth their time to attend. As one anonymous source told us, “They show way too many games at E3. Maybe if they would take some time to let us show off our new third-party keyboards and questionable statistics about Android we would attend. But as it is, no. You can wait until fall for our next announcement like all the other peasants. Sorry, I mean customers.”

“This is a huge blow to E3 and to gaming in general,” one blogger/technology expert told us, despite the fact that Apple has never attended an E3 in the past and there was no inclination they would be joining this year, “Without Apple, what is left? Microsoft? Nintendo? Sony? They make some game boxes or something but they are no Apple. Did you know they created the iPhone in 2007? How many phones have these other companies created? None.”

At press time, the feedback for the announcement has started to roll in. While the majority of Apple blog commenters seem to not know what E3 is or why anyone would attend if Apple wasn’t there, there is also a small sect asking, “That’s cool and all, but did they announce the iWatch yet? I really want an iWatch.”

Apple has not confirmed if they will or will not attend next year’s E3, but there are rumors that their own highly anticipated gaming convention E3S, which is basically the same as E3 with some minor changes to make it seem different, will launch sometime next year.

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