Microsoft announced Monday that a new fighting game in the style of Super Smash Bros featuring all of Xbox’s iconic characters is in the works. The game, Halo Arena, is expected to release sometime in late 2014 to coincide with the forthcoming Halo: Master Chief Collection, Master Chief brand Chex cereal, special edition Master Chief Xbox One, Master Chief flavored ribbed for her pleasure condoms, Master Chief footie pajamas, Master Chief Jeopardy Edition, and the Master Chief all inclusive resort and spa.
“By combining all the best Xbox-exclusive franchises we’ve ever had ranging from the original Halo to Halo 4, we are prepared to give gamers the fighting experience of a lifetime” Master Nelson said in a blog post announcing the ambitious project, “Where else can you fight with such iconic characters like Master Chief? Or blue Master Chief? Or red Master Chief?” Nelson then went on to name eleven other characters, roughly 90% of them being different colored Master Chiefs with a few unnamed characters to be announced later. “You’ll be surprised to see how many ways we can milk this fucker.”
Also detailed in the post was how the fighting styles will differ between characters. While the blue Master Chief, for example, will create a blue arc when he kicks or punches, the red Master Chief will create a red arc. “We wanted to keep the variety high in this game,” Nelson told sources, “Xbox has a lot of great exclusive games and we really believe Halo Arena will show them all off.”
Similar to Super Smash Bros assist trophies, Halo Arena will also have trophies featuring characters from their other franchises to assist the main fighters in the game. So far Microsoft has only confirmed two assist trophies, an empty bag of Doritos and a can of Mt. Dew, but assured us that more will be coming when “[we] can find someone willing to lend us some characters to use.”
The Master Chief edition of Halo Arena will include several enhancements, including a mode where you can just play an untouched version of Halo 2 and ignore the fighting game altogether. “Honestly, we’d prefer if everyone played that for a few weeks first,” Master Nelson told us, “We still haven’t got the kinks worked out of fighting yet but man Halo 2 was fun wasn’t it?”
Microsoft allegedly reached out to Bungie in an attempt to get Destiny characters into the game but, like the other hundreds of drunken desperate late night calls they placed to the Bungie offices, the request went unanswered.
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