Recently Divorced Man Estimates He Needs 8 More Platinum Trophies To Feel Whole Again

Struggling to get by in the six months since his wife and kids left him, 31-year-old divorcee Michael Swartz estimates that roughly eight more PlayStation 4 platinum trophies would be enough to make him feel whole again. Once the proud father of two and loving husband, Mr. Swartz recently found himself out and alone with nothing but his PS4, apartment, car, phone, computer and internet connection but feeling empty on the inside.


“It was rough for the first few weeks,” Michael told us, “I mean, having a wife and kids was great and all, but if I can 100% a few more games I think I’ll be over it.” Quickly sharing the trophies across social media as he wins them, the lifelong Network Administrator and Sony fan could quickly feel the happy memories of his former life and being replaced with that magical platinum symbol of dedication and triumph.

The warm embrace of his wife was roughly eliminated by his 100% completion of Infamous: Second Son and the thought of his child’s first laughter was washed away when he finally completed Dark Souls II. “Honestly I thought not ever seeing the smiling faces of my children would be impossible to get over,” Swartz posted to a disinterested audience on Reddit, “but man these platinum trophies are great. I wish I would have done this sooner!”

To date, Michael has nearly 200 platinum trophies, but feels that final eight will do the trick just right. His ex-wife, on the other hand, feels he should need more than that. “Eight trophies? Are you fucking kidding me. Eight platinum trophies,” an angry ex-Mrs. Swartz told us, “You know I got half of those for him in the first place, right? He didn’t even beat GTA V, let alone get the platinum trophy for it. In fact, now that I think about it his PSN account is under my name so you bet your ass I’m cancelling it.”