eSports Becomes An Officially Recognized Sport Following Stabbing Outside League Of Legends Match

The United States government has recently declared eSports to be an official sport on par with the MLB, NBA and NFL after a fan was stabbed following a recent League of Legends match between Curse and Team Coast. Along with the stabbing, fans of either team have been as as passionate as ever despite the fact that both of them have losing records - another sign of the sport's legitimacy. 

Forty-three-year-old Thomas Barrett has been charged in the stabbing, which occurred outside of the Las Vegas venue following Curse's victory over Team Coast. Barrett allegedly tracked down a Curse fan in the parking lot, called his favorite team a "a bunch of fucking pansies" and stabbed him in the stomach twice before cheering and walking away. 

Up to this point, eSports was mostly looked down and laughed at for not being competitive or athletically taxing as other sports. Spectators screaming over headsets and typing all caps in chatrooms didn't have the same effect as being in a packed stadium. But ever since League of Legends started showing the games in arenas in front of tens of thousands of viewers, interest and passion increased and eventually culminated in the wonderful stabbing just a few days ago.

"This is a great day for League of Legends and eSports in general. We're so thrilled to see our fans finally display the passion and interest in eSports as they do other popular sports like the NFL and MLB," said the commissioner of the League of Legends Championship Series, Steven Whittle, "And I'm sure the victim is fine. Maybe he shouldn't have followed such a lame ass team. Am I right? WOO! GO FNATIC!" 

Commissioners of other sports also chimed in when the news broke, happy for their newest rival to join the fray of mainstream entertainment. "More competition is good for all sports," said NFL head Roger Goddell, "Hell, if they can find a way to give the players a few more concussions I'll let them use the NFL trademark if they want." 

The victim, a nine-year-old whose name hasn't been released, was just happy to be part of bringing esports to a wider audience. "I love watching them play after school with my friends," he told us between spouts of spitting up blood, "and hopefully this means more of my friends can watch too." It appeared he then tried to raise an arm to cheer his favorite team, but a massive seizure stopped him.

Following news of the stabbing, Riot Games announced that League of Legends matches will now be shown on ESPN, ESPN2, NBC, CBS and eventually have their own network entirely.