The popular and rage inducing mobile game Flappy Birds has made it's way onto the FBI's recent update of their War on Terror most wanted list. The alleged terrorist was released onto the Android Play Store in January of 2014 and became an overnight hit, being installed on more than 50 million victims's devices. The FBI took notice shortly after.
"We take all threats to national security very seriously," one anonymous FBI agent told us, "And when we heard about Flappy Bird and the explosive anger it created, we knew we had a big one on our hands."
The game itself seems rather simple - tap the screen, fly upwards, try to avoid pipes. The dark secret, and possible reason it's now considered one of the ten most deadliest entities in the world, is that the bird flaps slightly higher than you'd expect and you constantly hit those god damn pipes.
In joining the deadly list, the notorious Flappy Bird knocked off other known terrorist Raddulan Sahiron, who was wanted for the kidnap and murder of several US citizens. When we asked why they bumped a known murderer and terrorist off the list for a mobile game based on an 8-bit bird, the FBI told us "While kidnapping and murder is also kind of bad I guess, we believe the act of not having that shithead bird fly like a real bird is a worse crime. Seriously, fly straight. It can't be that hard. You're a fucking bird!"
That erratic flying pattern and what the FBI deemed "terrorist pipes" are what lead to the bird entering the list, along with the massive amount of US citizen's time wasted that could otherwise have been spent paying taxes or reciting the pledge of allegiance.
In lieu of President Obama's scheduled press conference to comment on the newest threat to world peace, the White House issued a small press release stating "the President is currently at 148 and cannot leave or look anyone until the eyes until he beats Vice President Biden's score of 234. He offers his sincere condolences to whoever died or whatever."
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