Like other legitimate gaming blogs, we at Texture Pop Gaming receive review copies of upcoming games from developers so that we can provide beautifully written reviews and analysis of them. While we never actually get around to writing those reviews because Hot Pockets aren’t going to eat themselves, we do appreciate free games. But when From Software sent us a broken game that’s where we draw the line. Although it’s been nearly a week since we sent this polite letter requesting answers, the cowards behind Dark Souls II still haven’t responded.
See below for the courteous letter we sent to their Tokyo, Japan headquarters.
Dear Assholes,
Who do you think you are? When you sent us a review copy of your pile of shit Dark Souls II game last month, we didn’t expect it be flagrantly broken. After our first 60 hours of playing and making it to the “Dragonrider” boss, what we were met with was a completely broken experience. After we charged headfirst into him and began wildly swinging our sword (like we do for all Skyrim bosses), he continually swung with some kind of weapon that damaged us. How is that fucking fair? Despite our best efforts and blind swinging of our sword, we continued to die. And die. And die. While we know your slogan for this whole game is “there will be blood”, or whatever the fuck, how do you expect us to beat this boss? Dodge? Screw that, dodging doesn’t damage him, we tried.
Given his difficulty and the fact that it took 60 hours to get here, we assume this is the last boss. The first seven bosses, all lazily named “Old Knight,” were not this hard. Why would this one be broken? Why would he be called something so menacing such as “Dragonrider”? This mounting evidence has lead us to believe you didn’t bother making the rest of the game and this boss is purposefully impossible to beat. Surely there can’t be much left, but still. How lazy do you have to be not make an end sequence. Frankly, it makes us sick and we would like a public address and maybe a refund for all those poor souls who actually had to buy this clearly unfinished game.
Please respond.
Sincerely,
Texture Pop Gaming
In favor of full disclosure, we must also point out that several hackers claimed to have modded the game in such a way that they can defeat this boss and move on to a couple more extra segments of the game. One such hacker, Twitch user DarkHoleInOne69, claims to even have streamed it live and has recordings of it. “Well yeah, like everyone else I streamed myself playing Dark Souls II when it came out and then eventually beat it. Are you telling me you guys can’t beat Dragonrider? The first boss?” said the lying trickster before laughing loudly, knowing he fooled the entire gaming community.
So please, we urge you to not buy this game until From Software fixes it and actually adds more levels and finishes their game.
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