Microsoft CEO Reveals That Biggest Regret For Xbox One Is Underpowered Taco Delivery System

Amid criticism of it’s low frame rate and general lack of power compared to the PlayStation 4, Microsoft’s biggest disappointment with the Xbox One is it’s underpowered way of dispensing delicious tacos. The regret was announced in an odd conference held in the parking lot of a Redmond, Washington Taco Bell. 

“We understand people are disappointed with the 720p resolution and low number of games coming out so far,” said Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella, “but just imagine if you were playing a lower resolution version of your favorite games with bitchin’ tacos the second you wanted them. It would have been awesome.” According to Nadella, the original plan entailed having a sponsorship deal with Taco Bell and, through a mixture of 3D printing and voodoo magic, gamers would have Tacos any time they desired. Placing the orders would be as easy as a Kinect phrase of “Xbox, think outside the bun yo quiero Taco Bell” followed by a simple set of commands to choose what type of taco, drink, meat-like substance and sauces you wanted. The tasty treats would then be ejected from the disc tray directly to the player based on their location from the Kinect camera.

As it is now, Xbox One gamers hoping to have delicious Taco Bell at their doorstep are forced to download a cumbersome Taco Bell app, select what they want with the controller inputs like some kind of animal, and wait for up to thirty minutes until the delivery driver brings them to you. 

Several times throughout the announcement, Microsoft urged gamers to stop worrying about the always-on Kinect camera and focus on the lack of instant tacos, assuring gamers the camera would have only pinpointed their location when they initially place their order, as well as 48 hours afterwards for quality assurance. And periodically checking back to confirm the player is still happy with their decision months later. While it still does all those things perfectly fine, you don’t get your tacos instantaneously. 

“And now without that instant taco gratification,” confided Microsoft executive Stephen Elop, “we’re just constantly watching you and your blurry low resolution games for no reason. It’s a real shame.”